2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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