Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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