Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
