I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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