Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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