its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
