i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
