I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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