I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
