This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
