she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
