So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think my vagina is haunted
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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