I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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