blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
where are my eyebrows?
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