i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
