Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
only if we run a train.
done.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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