Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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