She said her name was "party"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
