Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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