if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
