finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
