I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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