Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
