Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
