my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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