ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
