I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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