He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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