i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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