We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
