I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There r osticjed everywhere
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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