Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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