Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize