Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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