Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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