Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if only i could text you this smell
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The struggles of a small town man whore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
