she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
