I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
