I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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