I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
