i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
