Swine flu. Run for my life!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
