I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
