All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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