in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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