I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
