Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
