These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize