What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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