If that was your dad, he is hot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
