So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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