you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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