As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
