your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
