Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize