In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize