her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
