there's paper in my vomit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
