Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
