therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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