My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
