Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
should my penis look like a turkey
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
