sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
